Good Session

"I had a fight with the wife again."

"..."

"Not really sure what happened. But that was probably the fiercest fight we've ever had. Over something as trivial as the taste of her cooking."

"..."

"Probably due to the fine cooking of my mom when I was young. It's not even a criticism, just a suggestion. And Voila! War. Can you believe it?"

"..."

"Yeah, I know."

"..."

"Bumped into this old friend at the supermarket the other day. Felt like punching the guy in the face."

"..."

"Yeah, the same guy who stole my ex-girlfriend during high school. Really, should I have just punched him?"

"..."

"I know that's twenty years ago. But still, my best friend stealing my girlfriend? How classic is that?"

"..."

"Got a raise last month."

"..."

"Happy? A little bit. Not much, but a raise is a raise, right?"

"..."

"Have been thinking of changing job though. Ten years. Is that too long to stay in the same company?"

"..."

"Yeah, I thought so too."

"..."

"Well, time to go. The wife is expecting me with the groceries three hours ago. As usual, a load off my mind after talking to you. See ya tomorrow!"

"..."

At least he's free.

.

Men

The thing about men is - they can make a game out of

anything ...




anytime ...

... anywhere.

.

It's Not Just ...

Yeah, it's not just good for your health as Yoga does, it's also good for ...

... breaking up.

.

Yoga, Anyone?

Here is a comprehensive health guide that shows drinking gives the same benefits as yoga does!!

Cheers!

Savasana - Position of total relaxation.

Balasana -- Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana - This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Marjayasana - Position stimulates the midirift area and the spinal comumn.

Halasana - Excellent for back pain and insomnia.

Dolphin - Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

Salambhasana - Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Malasana - This position, for ankles and back muscles.

Pigeon - Tones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of 'stress'.

So, let's start drinking ... I mean, practicing yoga.

.

OY!!!

"It's a simple game. He hits, you catch the ball. Understand?"

"Yes, coach! Catch the ball. Got it!"

"Good lad. Now go get 'em."

Whoever says it's not a physical game?

.

Channel 1

"Stay green. Stay green. Stay ..."

And just as I am about to cross the the line at the junction, the traffic light turns yellow.

Before I could give thanks for making the light and hopefully in time to reach home, a siren sounds and a blue light flashes behind my car.

"Shit!"

I pull over my car.

"License please," the police officer's face is stern.

"But the light was yellow, Officer," I try to sound nonchalant as I reaches for my wallet.

"What's your hurry anyway, Son?"

"Well ... err ..."

"Well?"

"I'm trying to get home to catch Hero on TV, Officer," I sound sheepish.

The officer pauses for a while. He pulls down his sunglasses, looks at me with a straight face and slowly reaches into his pocket.

My hands are trembling slightly when he shoves this badge in my face, "If only you have this, Son," -

The officer's face breaks into a smile. Suddenly music rings from the sky. A disco beats leads to a catchy dancing tune.

"IT'S FREE!!"

I jump slightly out of shock - out of no where a group of colorfully-clad dancers appeared behind the officer and shouted.

They then break into a song and dance routine. My jaw drops.

"Over 6,000 movies - and shows to - WATCH!!"

"Anytime - YOU WANT!!"

As the officer sings expressively ahead of the dancers, my body starts to swing to the beats.

"Heroes?" - "HEROES!!"

"30 Rock?" - "30 ROCKS!!"

"The Office?" - "THE OFFICE!!"

The officer and the group of dancers singing in tandem.

"FREE!!"

This time, I'm prepared.

"No waiting" - "NO WAITING!!"

"No schedules" - "NO SCHEDULES!!"

"No car" - "NO CAR!!"

"No mail" - "NO MAIL!!"

"At your fingertips" - "AT YOUR FINGERTIPS!!"

"No fighting with the kids over the TV" - "NO FIGHTING WITH THE KIDS OVER THE TV!!"

In my professional opinion, I feel the last verse is stretching it a little bit too far. And at this stage, I think the routine is getting a little bit old. But for the sake of my wallet, I keep my smile and start to clap to the beat.

"AND HD!!!!"

The music stops.

Kneeling on one knee, the presenters stretch out their hands and look at me with the biggest grin on their faces.

I try not to burst into laughter.

It's hard.

Darn hard.

As they're finishing their routine, I am a bit relief, thinking I might just get away with this one.

But then, the officer stands up, put on his sunglasses, approaches my car, reaches for his pen and writing pad and starts writing.

"Shit!" out loud, I'm thinking.

As I take back my license, the officer hands me a piece of paper, "Check these out, son!"

I look at the paper. It reads:

Learn more at charter.net/ondemand

Get updates and fun extras on Charter’s Facebook page

Hey. CHECK IT OUT!!!.

When Where What Who

After work.





At home.





Relaxing.







Optimus Prime.

.

Never!

One thing that you will never, never, Never, NEVER, NOT EVER see in this blog ...

And I repeat - NEVER here in this blog ...

NEVER!!!

... is this -













~


Welcome to my humble blog!

Coffee or tea?



.

Man's Best Friends

They start training early.



It's OK. We've got your back.

.

Ever Ready

Silence is buzzing around her. And she is certain silence is the only noise around, for her ears are well-trained. A cockroach could have breathed sixteen and a half feet away from her, and her ears would tip towards the cockroach's location. A mouse could have sniff its nose ever so slightly under the cupboard behind the wall over the next house, and her pupils would dilate in a split second.

A soft creak pierces through the wall of silence, as she gently pushes open the door. Her steps are light. She could have approached a leopard on a hunt and the leopard would not have noticed her when she's two feet away - within two feet, she's dinner for the leopard. As sharp as her sense of hearing already is, she tunes it up a notch higher, wary of any surprises.

As she walks to the centre of the room, she pauses. Soft as the breathings are, she sense their existence. Her heart speeds up. But before the heart beats another thud, she calms it down, and pumps her defense up, ready for the attackers lurking behind her.

Everything stay still ...

Then they make their moves.

"Hai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

This is nothing uncommon in the house of Teenage Blatant Ninja Trooper - the best Ninja training house in town.

.

Easy

It's math exam. Two hours is given to complete the paper. Steve walks out of the examination hall within half an hour, whistling.











And Steve wonders why everybody fears math exam so much.



.

How's Your Meal?

Be warned!






Be warned!






Be warned!






Be warned!






BE WARNED!!!

You were warned.

.

Another Tough One

If you are the planner, how do you get out of this?







Just move along without hitting the pole.



.

Moral Lesson For Today

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.


Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

*****

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

NOW .......

Enough of that crap .


The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.



MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.


.

One And Only

Can you blame her?

.

Size Doesn't Matter

Neither does length, nor width.

Skill does.

.

Be Quiet

Being the only male representative sitting in a table where he is outnumbered ten to one and when the ten ladies are talking emotionally about how a husband left his wife for another woman, there is one image that keeps flashing in his mind and stops him from offering his opinion ...












.

What's In A Name?

Of all places ...

.

Of Marriage And Some Wise Words?

David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

~

Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

~

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

~

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

~

Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

~

Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

~

Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

~

Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

~

James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

~

Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

~

Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

~

Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

~

Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

~

Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

~

Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

~

Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

~



And yes. I'm also very sure all the "Anonymous"'s are from the male species too.



.