Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Minus Minus Plus

Q: When The Dark has a dark side, what kind of side would that be?

A: Hmmm ... negative x negative = positive. So I guess when The Dark has a dark side, that side should be a bright side. Lovely pink, perhaps?

The dark side of Darth Vader.


Monday, September 28, 2009

The Odd One Out

There are vending machines that take your coin and give you a product, and there are vending machines that take your coin and ... well, I suspect they just take your coin.


Sunday, September 27, 2009

For The Doubters

They walk among us. They dress like us and talk like us. But if you're observant, you'll know -

They're Here!

In more places than one ...


Friday, September 25, 2009


I guess she's ass happy ass can be ...


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Say It Loud

When customer feedback forms fail ...


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

One For The Ladies

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!'

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, then went grocery shopping, drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then, it was already 1P.M.

And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor, ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home, set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then he set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M, he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:

'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though.

You got pregnant last night.'


And - this has been voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!


Sunday, September 20, 2009

There Is Puss In Boots

And there is Puss In Booth.


Saturday, September 19, 2009

You Gotta See This - $5,000 Cash Prize!

Get a chance to win $5,000, or an HDTV package, or a camcorder!!!

Did you get excited reading the above sentence? Without a pair of glasses or contact lens which you couldn't live without previously?

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Do you get to enjoy life more now without the old heavy glasses? Did you miss out on opportunities of enjoyable outdoor experiences because of impaired eyesight? Had you ever felt less confident because of glasses before a date? Have you ever lost a tennis match because of that misjudgment of a poor eyesight? If you know how it feels before and after an improved eyesight, here's a chance to win some cash or great prizes using those experiences to make a video.
Here are the details:

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Users make and submit a video in one of the following categories:
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Good Luck!


What Can You Say?

They are not journalists. Neither are they reporters. They appreciate their right under the constitution. Every protest within their reach, they'll be there.

Although at times, they forget why they are there, yet they know why they are there ... what can you say.

What the heck, we've time to spare.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Kids Again

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.


TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir.. It's the same dog.


TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher


Saturday, September 12, 2009


Their gazes are sharp,

Intensified by wisdom passed down generations,

Firm with unshakable strength drawn from passage through time.

They demand respect.

Sometimes, fear and awe even.

Nothing escapes,

The watchful eyes of the owls,

The wisest of them all.

Unless, they are on a break ...

Or on a high ...


Wednesday, September 9, 2009


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.


TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.


TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.


Monday, September 7, 2009

The Best

Somebody told Jerry the best way to die is in his sleep ...


Saturday, September 5, 2009


I'd always thought the only "acceptable" expression in synchronised swimming are those mechanical-holding-your-breath-near-suffocated-almost-eerily smiles. In fact, I've never stop wondering whether the open-mouthed smiles are to draw in some much-needed breathes or express their happy mood.

And I'd never thought synchronised swimming if choreographed thoughtfully could have a comical effect too ...



Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Thank You

Nona Wee is a shopaholic. A shopaholic of a different kind. She shops only for items that have physical attributes that allow her to exit the shop without the cashier seeing them.

Some call it shoplifting, she calls it a cure for the shortcomings she experienced during her childhood. Whatever it's called, she loves the thrill. Addicted to it. But truth be told, she does feel the guilt after the thrill.

Much to her joy, she found a shop where she can "lift" till she flips, and be helpful at the same time too. She'll never forget the day she saw this sign in front of the shop -

Although, occasionally, she has to argue with the staff of the shop what items fall under the category of "crap that they cannot sell".