Wednesday, April 27, 2011


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all. Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.



Sunday, April 24, 2011

To The Rescue!

It is a job that needs to be done. Go ahead ...


Thursday, April 21, 2011


A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B.Ed exams, which the father received as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."


A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here."

The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her."


A man wanted to celebrate his wife's birthday by throwing a party. So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wanted to put on the cake.

He thought for a moment and said, "Well ... put 'You are getting older' at the top, 'But you are getting better' at the bottom."

When the cake was unveiled at the part, all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake.

It reads, "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom."


Moral of the Story:

1. Double proof read everything before you send.
2. Don't trust others to write it right for you.
3. Don't order cakes by telephone.


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Ultimate Telepathy

See me not. See me not. See me not. See me not ...


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

What's In A Name?

How you want to drink your soup?

Either way, fine by me. Just don't make a mess on the table. OK, Reese?


Saturday, April 9, 2011

Liu Xiang In The Making

I laughed my head off with this one. Hope you would like it too.


Ready. Set. Bang!

Stride, stride, stride - jump!

Oops, almost fell.

Stride, stride, stride - jump!

Damn, again?

Stride, stride, stride ... Damn it, these hurdles are just hassles, why bother - Bang!

Stride, stride, stride - bang!

Stride, stride, stride - bang!

Stride, stride, stride - bang!

Stride, stride, stride - bang!

Stride, stride, stride - OUCH!

Race not over, get up, get up!

Damn, probably my hurdles are higher than the next guy - change lane!

Stride, stride, stride - bang!

Stride, stride, stride ... last hurdle, might as well give it another try.


Damn, my hands hurt! Better not show it ...


The only thing funnier than the hurdler was probably the lack of any kind of reaction from those at the event.


Thursday, April 7, 2011


Chair - four legged, with a stable, raised surface to rest our buttocks on.

Chair - Redefined.


Saturday, April 2, 2011


Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. - Unknown

My thoughts?

Filthy rich.

Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will. - George Bernard Shaw


Filthy rich.

Think what you ...

Filthy rich.


Filthy rich.