Thursday, July 30, 2009

Hold On

Your wife asks you to take out the garbage - can wait.

Your kids asks you about their homework - can wait.

Your boss asks for the report for tomorrow's meeting - can wait.

Your customer request for their quotations - can wait.

Your mother asks for a ride to the doctor - can wait.

Your father calls from the grocery store, he forgets his wallet - can wait.

Your neighbour's house is on fire - can wait.

After all, what could be more important than answering Mother Nature's call?

Unless ...

Inspiration pops up for the next post of your blog ...

Hey, I'm a blogger!


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Man's Best Friend

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.

'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.' The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought for a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.

'There should be a bowl by the pump.'

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'


Friday, July 24, 2009

You Know

I know.
I also know you want to know,
To know what I know,
What I know that you want to know.
But ...


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Before And After

Of marriage, that is.

Before marriage -

John: Ah ... at last. I can hardly wait!
Jane: Do you want me to leave?
John: No! Don't even think about it.
Jane: Do you love me?
John: Of course! Always have and always will!
Jane: Have you ever cheated on me?
John: No! Why are you even asking?
Jane: Will you kiss me?
John: Every chance I get!
Jane: Will you hit me?
John: Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Jane: Can I trust you?
John: Yes.
Jane: Darling!


- Read from the bottom back to the top.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Imagine This

Tired from the traveling during the day, you were sleeping soundly in a hotel room. You were snoring so loudly a bomb could have exploded next to you and you would not have budged.

But then, you were awaken - by your own coughing.

You opened your eyes, paused for a while and jumped out of bed alarmed. You saw smoke! Smoke was billowing out from - of all places - the bathroom.

The oppressive heat told you to get out of the room to save your life. And so you did.

You rushed towards the door and ...


Friday, July 17, 2009

How Are You?

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying, "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing' just fine!"

And the other guy says, "So, what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say, "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

"Can I come over?"

OK, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No ... I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously ...


Y'know what? This would not have happened twenty years ago ...


"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!"


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

He's Everywhere

Here's one for those non-believers ...

It's either him, or a giant bull floating in the sky.


Monday, July 13, 2009

The Power Of Guns

Depending on which angle you look at it, guns are probably the most important invention in terms of defending oneself in a life threatening situation.

But at times ... a gun is only as deadly as your bare hands ...


Saturday, July 11, 2009

Say No!

"Fries with your order, Sir?" - No, say no.

"Wow, that's your third bowl of rice! More?" - No, say no.

"That's a fulfilling dinner. Pizza for dessert?" - No, say no.

"There's a new all-you-can-eat buffet down the street. You ready for high tea?" - No, say no.

"Hey, let's hit the pub for a beer," - No, say no.

"Let's go to the mamak stall for a midnight snack?" - No, say no.

"We're getting loads of chips and beers for the game on TV tonight, join us?" - No, say no.

"Hey, let's go for a ride in my new car," - ... OK.

Oh, No!


Thursday, July 9, 2009

A Lawyer And A Chinese

A lawyer and a Chinese are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that all Chinese are so dumb that he could get over on them, easy.

So the lawyer asks if the Chinese would like to play a fun game.

The Chinese is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines, and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," he says.

This catches the Chinese's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?' The Chinese doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the Chinese's turn.

He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes up the Chinese and hands him $500. The Chinese pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Chinese up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?

The Chinese reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Whaddya Talking About?

Talking in bubbles does not happen only in comics ...

I wonder what's she trying to say.


Sunday, July 5, 2009

Walk With Me

I think you would call her a friend. Definitely.

She would be there when I couldn't sleep at night. When millions of thoughts were circling in my mind, chasing me away from the kingdom of sleep, she would be there to lead me to the restful path.

She would be there when I felt sad and down. When I felt lost in emotions that were dragging me deeper into a black hole, she would be there to lend me a hand and help me swim above the surface.

She would be there when I was too happy for words. When I felt I couldn't sit still and hold in the bubbling emotions, she would be there to dance with me, letting out all the exuberance within me.

She would be there when I didn't think I could continue another second with all the noises around me. When I felt like shouting out at the top of my lung to vent my frustration, she would be there to soothe me, calm me and make it enjoyable for me.

Yes. she was there for me.

What do you say to someone who went through all these with you on her birthday when she is no longer by your side.

Well, she could be a he - depending on the partner it has at that moment - a cassette tape.

Happy Birthday, my dear friend, my Walkman. How would I ever spend my adolescent days without you?


Saturday, July 4, 2009

Today ...

is 4th of July.

Have A Nice Weekend!