One Step

Quid Pro Quo

2011-07-09T20:33:00.002+08:00

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Wow, I'll take them both. Where's the guy who owns this place, I want to THANK him?'

The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

I Hear You, Bro!

2011-07-01T21:33:00.000+08:00

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

Gee, How Did You Know?

2011-06-30T21:33:00.001+08:00

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Bob about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.

Bob had the largest private part he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Bob,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Bob is dead?!'

Like Father Like Son

2011-06-28T21:33:00.001+08:00

A middle-aged couple had three beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'

Honesty Is the Best Policy

2011-06-27T21:33:00.000+08:00

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

Mom Knows Best ... Always

2011-06-26T21:33:00.002+08:00

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate Jennifer was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.. So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love,

Mom

Oh Dear ...

2011-06-25T20:33:00.000+08:00

... but isn't it strange to have your pet dog sitting behind a bike?

So?

2011-06-24T21:33:00.001+08:00

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

"What's the matter?" he was asked.

He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

"But she was talking to the doctor."

The End of The World

2011-05-22T21:33:00.002+08:00

Another 'The End of The World' had come and gone.

That's good, I guess.

But what do I do with these now?

Photo from http://www.randomthink.net/misc/ebay/

I hope these expiry dates will outlast the next 'TEOTW'!

He's My Brother

2011-05-20T20:22:00.003+08:00

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four......and we saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."

Green Green Grass of Fuel

2011-05-14T21:36:00.003+08:00

Given the soaring prices of petrol, I'm surprise they haven't already started using cows.

Go Green!

Hey!

2011-05-11T22:33:00.000+08:00

Your hair looks funny.

WHAAAAAT?? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!

Feeling Hot?

2011-05-08T21:33:00.003+08:00

YO!

Doong Doong Doong Doong-doong Doong Doong.

Doong Doong Doong Doong-doong Doong Doong ...

Ice, ice doggy. Ice, ice doggy ...

Folding T-Shirt and Engineer

2011-05-01T20:33:00.001+08:00

I don't think the video is meant to be funny. But I did have a hearty laugh at the end of it. Not really sure why though.

Perhaps it's the bouncy music that made me keep expecting a man with a funny hat and a cute moustache in black and white to pop into the video and show me how to fold a t-shirt; or the seriousness of the video in showing the exact measurement of each component of the contraption, and the diagram too; or the slap on my forehead upon the realisation at the end of the video of why on earth didn't I think of that. Not sure.

But I'm quite sure if I saw the genius behind this brilliant idea smiling smugly at the end of the video, I would die laughing. Don't know why, but I would.

WHAT??

2011-04-27T21:36:00.000+08:00

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all. Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

To The Rescue!

2011-04-24T21:33:00.002+08:00

It is a job that needs to be done. Go ahead ...

Oops!!

2011-04-21T22:33:00.001+08:00

A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B.Ed exams, which the father received as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here."

The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her."

A man wanted to celebrate his wife's birthday by throwing a party. So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wanted to put on the cake.

He thought for a moment and said, "Well ... put 'You are getting older' at the top, 'But you are getting better' at the bottom."

When the cake was unveiled at the part, all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake.

It reads, "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom."

Moral of the Story:

1. Double proof read everything before you send.
2. Don't trust others to write it right for you.
3. Don't order cakes by telephone.

The Ultimate Telepathy

2011-04-19T21:33:00.000+08:00

See me not. See me not. See me not. See me not ...

.

What's In A Name?

2011-04-13T22:33:00.002+08:00

How you want to drink your soup?

Either way, fine by me. Just don't make a mess on the table. OK, Reese?

Liu Xiang In The Making

2011-04-09T21:33:00.001+08:00

I laughed my head off with this one. Hope you would like it too.

Enjoy!

Ready. Set. Bang!

Stride, stride, stride - jump!

Oops, almost fell.

Stride, stride, stride - jump!

Damn, again?

Stride, stride, stride ... Damn it, these hurdles are just hassles, why bother - Bang!

Stride, stride, stride - bang!

Stride, stride, stride - OUCH!

Race not over, get up, get up!

Damn, probably my hurdles are higher than the next guy - change lane!

Stride, stride, stride - bang!

Stride, stride, stride ... last hurdle, might as well give it another try.

Finally.

Damn, my hands hurt! Better not show it ...

The only thing funnier than the hurdler was probably the lack of any kind of reaction from those at the event.

Jack

2011-04-07T21:36:00.002+08:00

Chair - four legged, with a stable, raised surface to rest our buttocks on.

Chair - Redefined.

Destiny

2011-04-02T22:33:00.001+08:00

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. - Unknown

My thoughts?

Filthy rich.

Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will. - George Bernard Shaw

Again,

Filthy rich.

Think what you ...

Filthy rich.

Wha...

Filthy rich.

YO!

2011-03-30T23:33:00.001+08:00

Sexy bitch!

Literally.

Life Is MAD

2011-03-26T21:33:00.001+08:00

I'm not a fan of American Idols, which claims to be the biggest sensation in tv since ... tv.

But back in 2009, in its eighth season, which in the final it pitted a gay guy against a straight guy, it finally captured a certain amount of my times and attention. By then, I thought if I still didn't get into its hypes and all, I would probably look like a fool from Mars. And one season is enough for my pop cultural education.

Last night, in the absences of my favourite programs on tv, I turned to the biggest sensation on tv. And this guy caught my attention.

A certain Scott McCreery.

I'm not going to write about his voice, his stage presence, his potentials as a star or a recording artist, or his moves. And I'm probably the last person to know this, and somebody has probably written it somewhere, but doesn't he look a lot like -

Then What?

2011-03-21T23:33:00.000+08:00

It started with "Once upon a time", and ended with a kiss between the prince and the princess and a "Happily ever after". What's next?

Sex, of course. It's only natural. After all, the blessed couple are only humans. Consequences?

Kids, of course, followed by the mundaneness of bread and butter, laundry, cooking, changing diapers, cleaning up etc, etc, etc.

But men will be men, even if he's Prince Charming -

Try This

2011-03-18T20:33:00.001+08:00

How to get an amazingly tantalizing sensation between the legs -

Be Honest

2011-03-11T21:33:00.000+08:00

Did you click the triangle in the square?

Couldn't resist? Could you?

If I Die Young

2011-03-05T21:33:00.001+08:00

A good song.

A memorable first line. A melancholic voice. Poetic lyrics. Profound messages. A hanging ending ...

But I can never use this song. Not today, not yesterday, not last year, or the year before that, or the year before the year before that, or the year ...

If I die anything today, I won't die young. Simply because I'm, well ...

Not-young.

Are You?

2011-02-28T21:36:00.003+08:00

You would probably know him,

That doesn't really mean anything.

But do you remember him in this?

If you do, and if you're wondering why the heck you would once thought that that hairdo was cool, that would probably mean -

You're OLD!!!

No Sense

2011-02-22T20:18:00.001+08:00

Lines that would make no freaking sense twenty-odd years ago:

1. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ... again.

2. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

3. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

4. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

5. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

.

Atomic Bomb!

2011-02-19T10:23:00.000+08:00

I'll hold on to the atomic bomb for you!

It started with taking the knife for you, then the bullet, and occasionally throwing in front of the bus or train will also work. As love gets greater, so has the sacrifice - it finally reaches the level of a grenade.

You know, sooner or later, somebody will make first few words rhyme, put a beat into it, and come out with a top 20 song.

Although, what good would it do if they were detonated anyway, and everyone dies?

.

Quid Pro Quo

2011-02-16T20:18:00.000+08:00

The wife was cooking in the kitchen. The husband stood beside her and was yapping away, "Slow down! Careful! The fire is too big, you will over-fry the fish. There is too much oil. You need to flip the fish over sooner. Blah, blah, blah, blah ..."

Frustrated, the wife yelled out, "Shut up! I know how to cook!"

Calmly, the husband replied, "Oh, I know. I just want you to know how I feel when I'm driving with you sitting next to me."

.

It'll Be Okay

2010-03-18T20:38:00.000+08:00

Everything will be okay in the end.

If it's not okay,

it's not the end.

(unknown)

My Favourites - Tony's Pizza

2010-03-17T20:38:00.004+08:00

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Tony's Pizza. All opinions are 100% mine.

Pizza is one of my favourite fast foods. Bowling is one of my favourite sports. When you combine my favourite fast food with my favourite sport, it spells 'IRRESISTABLE'! If you tell me that bowling is free with the pizza, I would tell you "Get out of here!" But before you go "Get out of here!" after I've told you that you'd get free bowling with your pizza, check out Tony's Pizza.

One of my favourite collections is money. One of my favourite past times is having friends over for football matches on TV. A delicious snack during the party is like having two winning numbers for the night's lottery. But how do I enjoy my favourite past time without being deprived much of my other favourite collection - money? Yes, Tony's Pizza! You can enjoy their delicious pizza without paying for any extra for delivery. Just get their frozen pizza and pop it into the oven. No waiting, no extra cost - perfect! With the free bowling being thrown in for the pizza - PERFECT!!

And for these reasons, I would always have two or three Tony's pizzas waiting patiently in my fridge for my enjoyment, if only they had it here in Malaysia. Dang!

Happy Chinese New Year!

2010-02-13T20:38:00.002+08:00

Really

2010-02-07T22:33:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure which is scarier,

The muscle? The face? Or the nightmare I'm going to have?

I think Linda Hamilton, a.k.a. Sarah Connor, had a big influence in this.

.

What A ...

2010-02-02T15:13:00.002+08:00

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances

Love, Bubba

~

... Great Politician!

.

OUCH!!!

2010-01-20T11:33:00.000+08:00

House

2010-01-13T23:22:00.005+08:00

I've no idea what the characters are saying most of the time. The jargons fly past me like bullets fly past Neo in Matrix. Yet, I was captivated, by the flying bullets and the characters.

Image by Wikipedia

I don't watch TV series. And I'd never watched one full episode of House, until last week when I happened to catch it on TV. I watched it for the second time just now. Not sure which episode of which season I'd watched. Not sure I'll manage to watch it again. But I totally enjoyed it.

Didn't understand half of it, but I enjoyed it.

.

You Think ...

2010-01-10T14:33:00.001+08:00

... that'll be the expressions on their faces if the old man is wearing anything under the kilt.

Going commando?

.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho ...

2010-01-04T09:38:00.000+08:00

It's back to work we go ...

.

What Do I Know?

2009-12-31T00:01:00.004+08:00

Just when I thought life is slowly getting back to normal after the Christmas break ... Then, all of a sudden ...

BANG!!!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

Happy New Year!

May we make the best of what awaits us in

2010!!

Everyone

2009-12-24T00:12:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas

and

Happy Holidays!

Mirror

2009-12-20T15:33:00.001+08:00

Mirror mirror on the wall,

Some say you're not fair to all,

Who before you stand short and tall.

The slightest of insecurity, you magnify;

The pettiest of vanity, you glorify.

But you are doing nothing more,

Than to make clear to us all,

Those Venusians and Martians all.

Mirror mirror on the wall,

How wise and how true,

In your reflection to us all,

Big Trouble

2009-12-12T13:36:00.004+08:00

If there is a time when you wish all that would happen is being peed at, or even being shitted on, this would be it ...

Of course, I would have no idea whether an elephant needs to lean on something with one leg to pee. If that's the case, the best scenario would be to be shitted on.

But then again, how does an elephant go about in dumping its pooh ... ?

You Know ...

2009-12-01T16:38:00.000+08:00

It's hard to be funny and humourous when your mind is jammed with non-funny and non-humourous stuff.

Hopefully, my funny bones will be tickling soon ...

.

????????

2009-11-23T08:18:00.001+08:00

Go ahead ...

... take a guess at the title of this post.

Any clue yet?

That's right ...

... it's a world SOOOO not ruled by MEN.

No Matter

2009-11-15T23:38:00.001+08:00

Cats love mouse, whatever the shape or size ...

.

You Would Know Why

2009-11-10T09:18:00.001+08:00

... if you don't see Santa this Christmas.

Hair Artists

2009-11-09T08:18:00.001+08:00

Creative?

Don't clap just yet.

I Knew It!

2009-11-07T11:11:00.001+08:00

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!!!

I've always suspect the devilish curl at the corner of their smile, the slightest tone of mischief at the end of their sentences, the almost unnoticeable naughtiness at the throws of their hands, the sways of their hairs and the ways of their walks. I should have known it a long time ago - GIRLS ARE EVIL!!!

And, finally, here's the proof, mathematically -

Know what the sad part is?

I love them just the same.

.

Man!

2009-11-04T11:38:00.000+08:00

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $50.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly RM100,000.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over RM200,000.

She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'

That's when she shot him.

~

LESSONS TO BE LEARNED:

You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!!

Man!

.

What Can I Say

2009-11-03T09:18:00.003+08:00

... what a dumb truck.

My Halloween

2009-11-02T00:01:00.000+08:00

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
~

That's right.

Blank. That's my Halloween.

But that's because we don't really celebrate the day in this part of the world. It's more like hollow wind to me.

Get it?

Halloween - Hollow wind.

Hallo - Hollow

Ween - Wind.

Halloween - Hollow wind.

Get it? Get it?

...

Never mind ...

How's your Holloween? I mean, Halloween?

Image via Wikipedia

Good Session

2009-10-31T12:38:00.002+08:00

"I had a fight with the wife again."

"..."

"Not really sure what happened. But that was probably the fiercest fight we've ever had. Over something as trivial as the taste of her cooking."

"..."

"Probably due to the fine cooking of my mom when I was young. It's not even a criticism, just a suggestion. And Voila! War. Can you believe it?"

"..."

"Yeah, I know."

"..."

"Bumped into this old friend at the supermarket the other day. Felt like punching the guy in the face."

"..."

"Yeah, the same guy who stole my ex-girlfriend during high school. Really, should I have just punched him?"

"..."

"I know that's twenty years ago. But still, my best friend stealing my girlfriend? How classic is that?"

"..."

"Got a raise last month."

"..."

"Happy? A little bit. Not much, but a raise is a raise, right?"

"..."

"Have been thinking of changing job though. Ten years. Is that too long to stay in the same company?"

"..."

"Yeah, I thought so too."

"..."

"Well, time to go. The wife is expecting me with the groceries three hours ago. As usual, a load off my mind after talking to you. See ya tomorrow!"

"..."

At least he's free.

Men

2009-10-30T11:38:00.002+08:00

The thing about men is - they can make a game out of

anything ...

anytime ...

... anywhere.

It's Not Just ...

2009-10-28T12:18:00.000+08:00

Yeah, it's not just good for your health as Yoga does, it's also good for ...

... breaking up.

Yoga, Anyone?

2009-10-27T11:18:00.015+08:00

Here is a comprehensive health guide that shows drinking gives the same benefits as yoga does!!

Cheers!

Savasana - Position of total relaxation.

Balasana -- Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana - This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Marjayasana - Position stimulates the midirift area and the spinal comumn.

Halasana - Excellent for back pain and insomnia.

Dolphin - Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

Salambhasana - Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Malasana - This position, for ankles and back muscles.

Pigeon - Tones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of 'stress'.

So, let's start drinking ... I mean, practicing yoga.

OY!!!

2009-10-26T09:38:00.001+08:00

"It's a simple game. He hits, you catch the ball. Understand?"

"Yes, coach! Catch the ball. Got it!"

"Good lad. Now go get 'em."

Whoever says it's not a physical game?

Channel 1

2009-10-24T14:48:00.001+08:00

"Stay green. Stay green. Stay ..."

And just as I am about to cross the the line at the junction, the traffic light turns yellow.

Before I could give thanks for making the light and hopefully in time to reach home, a siren sounds and a blue light flashes behind my car.

"Shit!"

I pull over my car.

"License please," the police officer's face is stern.

"But the light was yellow, Officer," I try to sound nonchalant as I reaches for my wallet.

"What's your hurry anyway, Son?"

"Well ... err ..."

"Well?"

"I'm trying to get home to catch Hero on TV, Officer," I sound sheepish.

The officer pauses for a while. He pulls down his sunglasses, looks at me with a straight face and slowly reaches into his pocket.

My hands are trembling slightly when he shoves this badge in my face, "If only you have this, Son," -

The officer's face breaks into a smile. Suddenly music rings from the sky. A disco beats leads to a catchy dancing tune.

"IT'S FREE!!"

I jump slightly out of shock - out of no where a group of colorfully-clad dancers appeared behind the officer and shouted.

They then break into a song and dance routine. My jaw drops.

"Over 6,000 movies - and shows to - WATCH!!"

"Anytime - YOU WANT!!"

As the officer sings expressively ahead of the dancers, my body starts to swing to the beats.

"Heroes?" - "HEROES!!"

"30 Rock?" - "30 ROCKS!!"

"The Office?" - "THE OFFICE!!"

The officer and the group of dancers singing in tandem.

"FREE!!"

This time, I'm prepared.

"No waiting" - "NO WAITING!!"

"No schedules" - "NO SCHEDULES!!"

"No car" - "NO CAR!!"

"No mail" - "NO MAIL!!"

"At your fingertips" - "AT YOUR FINGERTIPS!!"

"No fighting with the kids over the TV" - "NO FIGHTING WITH THE KIDS OVER THE TV!!"

In my professional opinion, I feel the last verse is stretching it a little bit too far. And at this stage, I think the routine is getting a little bit old. But for the sake of my wallet, I keep my smile and start to clap to the beat.

"AND HD!!!!"

The music stops.

Kneeling on one knee, the presenters stretch out their hands and look at me with the biggest grin on their faces.

I try not to burst into laughter.

It's hard.

Darn hard.

As they're finishing their routine, I am a bit relief, thinking I might just get away with this one.

But then, the officer stands up, put on his sunglasses, approaches my car, reaches for his pen and writing pad and starts writing.

"Shit!" out loud, I'm thinking.

As I take back my license, the officer hands me a piece of paper, "Check these out, son!"

I look at the paper. It reads:

Learn more at charter.net/ondemand

Get updates and fun extras on Charter’s Facebook page

Hey. CHECK IT OUT!!!.

When Where What Who

2009-10-22T13:18:00.003+08:00

After work.

At home.

Relaxing.

Optimus Prime.

Never!

2009-10-20T11:38:00.003+08:00

One thing that you will never, never, Never, NEVER, NOT EVER see in this blog ...

And I repeat - NEVER here in this blog ...

NEVER!!!

... is this -

~

Welcome to my humble blog!

Coffee or tea?

.

Man's Best Friends

2009-10-19T11:38:00.001+08:00

They start training early.

It's OK. We've got your back.

Ever Ready

2009-10-17T12:28:00.002+08:00

Silence is buzzing around her. And she is certain silence is the only noise around, for her ears are well-trained. A cockroach could have breathed sixteen and a half feet away from her, and her ears would tip towards the cockroach's location. A mouse could have sniff its nose ever so slightly under the cupboard behind the wall over the next house, and her pupils would dilate in a split second.

A soft creak pierces through the wall of silence, as she gently pushes open the door. Her steps are light. She could have approached a leopard on a hunt and the leopard would not have noticed her when she's two feet away - within two feet, she's dinner for the leopard. As sharp as her sense of hearing already is, she tunes it up a notch higher, wary of any surprises.

As she walks to the centre of the room, she pauses. Soft as the breathings are, she sense their existence. Her heart speeds up. But before the heart beats another thud, she calms it down, and pumps her defense up, ready for the attackers lurking behind her.

Everything stay still ...

Then they make their moves.

"Hai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

This is nothing uncommon in the house of Teenage Blatant Ninja Trooper - the best Ninja training house in town.

Easy

2009-10-15T11:48:00.003+08:00

It's math exam. Two hours is given to complete the paper. Steve walks out of the examination hall within half an hour, whistling.

And Steve wonders why everybody fears math exam so much.

.

How's Your Meal?

2009-10-14T11:18:00.001+08:00

Be warned!

Be warned!

Be warned!

Be warned!

BE WARNED!!!

You were warned.

Another Tough One

2009-10-12T13:18:00.000+08:00

If you are the planner, how do you get out of this?

Just move along without hitting the pole.

.

Moral Lesson For Today

2009-10-10T09:18:00.000+08:00

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

*****

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

NOW .......

Enough of that crap .

The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

.

One And Only

2009-10-09T11:18:00.000+08:00

Can you blame her?

Size Doesn't Matter

2009-10-07T11:18:00.001+08:00

Neither does length, nor width.

Skill does.

Be Quiet

2009-10-05T11:38:00.002+08:00

Being the only male representative sitting in a table where he is outnumbered ten to one and when the ten ladies are talking emotionally about how a husband left his wife for another woman, there is one image that keeps flashing in his mind and stops him from offering his opinion ...

.

What's In A Name?

2009-10-04T12:18:00.000+08:00

Of all places ...

Of Marriage And Some Wise Words?

2009-10-03T00:38:00.001+08:00

David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

~

Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

~

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

~

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

~

Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

~

Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

~

Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

~

Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

~

James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

~

Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

~

Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

~

Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

~

Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

~

Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

~

Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

~

Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

~

And yes. I'm also very sure all the "Anonymous"'s are from the male species too.

.

Minus Minus Plus

2009-09-30T23:38:00.000+08:00

Q: When The Dark has a dark side, what kind of side would that be?

A: Hmmm ... negative x negative = positive. So I guess when The Dark has a dark side, that side should be a bright side. Lovely pink, perhaps?

The dark side of Darth Vader.

The Odd One Out

2009-09-28T23:48:00.001+08:00

There are vending machines that take your coin and give you a product, and there are vending machines that take your coin and ... well, I suspect they just take your coin.

.

For The Doubters

2009-09-27T11:18:00.000+08:00

They walk among us. They dress like us and talk like us. But if you're observant, you'll know -

They're Here!

In more places than one ...

.

Happy

2009-09-25T12:18:00.001+08:00

I guess she's ass happy ass can be ...

Say It Loud

2009-09-23T23:38:00.001+08:00

When customer feedback forms fail ...

.

One For The Ladies

2009-09-22T11:38:00.002+08:00

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!'

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, then went grocery shopping, drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then, it was already 1P.M.

And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor, ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home, set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then he set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M, he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:

'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though.

You got pregnant last night.'

~

And - this has been voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!

.

There Is Puss In Boots

2009-09-20T23:48:00.003+08:00

And there is Puss In Booth.

You Gotta See This - $5,000 Cash Prize!

2009-09-19T23:18:00.002+08:00

Get a chance to win $5,000, or an HDTV package, or a camcorder!!!

Did you get excited reading the above sentence? Without a pair of glasses or contact lens which you couldn't live without previously?

If you did, then you could get a chance to win $5,000, or an HDTV package (a $2,500 value), or a camcorder (a $199.99 value) by entering the "You Gotta See This" Video Contest.

Abbott Medical Optics Inc. (AMO), a global leader in laser vision correction, wants to know how better vision could improve — or has improved — people’s lives, by inviting entrants to make a video showing the impact of improved vision on one's lifestyle.

Do you get to enjoy life more now without the old heavy glasses? Did you miss out on opportunities of enjoyable outdoor experiences because of impaired eyesight? Had you ever felt less confident because of glasses before a date? Have you ever lost a tennis match because of that misjudgment of a poor eyesight? If you know how it feels before and after an improved eyesight, here's a chance to win some cash or great prizes using those experiences to make a video.
.
Here are the details:

1.Submit A Video

Users make and submit a video in one of the following categories:
• “My contacts are getting in the way of my good time”
• “My favorite sport or activity would be so much cooler with better vision”
• “You should see life after the iLASIK® Procedure”

2.Tell Friends To Vote

Once users submit a video, their friends can vote on it. And votes are one of the key factors in determining which videos win a prize.

3.Have A Chance To Win

• One Grand Prize winner will win $5,000 — selected from all submitted videos
• Three First Prize winners will win an HDTV package(a $2,500 value) — one per video category

•Three Second Prize winners will win the Flip UltraHD™ camcorder (a $199.99 value) — one per video category

Good Luck!

What Can You Say?

2009-09-19T08:48:00.000+08:00

They are not journalists. Neither are they reporters. They appreciate their right under the constitution. Every protest within their reach, they'll be there.

Although at times, they forget why they are there, yet they know why they are there ... what can you say.

What the heck, we've time to spare.

Kids Again

2009-09-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

~

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

~

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

~

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

~

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir.. It's the same dog.

~

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

.

Yo!

2009-09-12T21:38:00.001+08:00

Their gazes are sharp,

Intensified by wisdom passed down generations,

Firm with unshakable strength drawn from passage through time.

They demand respect.

Sometimes, fear and awe even.

Nothing escapes,

The watchful eyes of the owls,

The wisest of them all.

Unless, they are on a break ...

Or on a high ...

Kids

2009-09-09T12:54:00.002+08:00

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

~

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

~

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

~

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

~

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

.

The Best

2009-09-07T20:38:00.000+08:00

Somebody told Jerry the best way to die is in his sleep ...

.

Yikes!

2009-09-05T11:38:00.000+08:00

I'd always thought the only "acceptable" expression in synchronised swimming are those mechanical-holding-your-breath-near-suffocated-almost-eerily smiles. In fact, I've never stop wondering whether the open-mouthed smiles are to draw in some much-needed breathes or express their happy mood.

And I'd never thought synchronised swimming if choreographed thoughtfully could have a comical effect too ...

Yikes!

Thank You

2009-09-01T23:48:00.000+08:00

Nona Wee is a shopaholic. A shopaholic of a different kind. She shops only for items that have physical attributes that allow her to exit the shop without the cashier seeing them.

Some call it shoplifting, she calls it a cure for the shortcomings she experienced during her childhood. Whatever it's called, she loves the thrill. Addicted to it. But truth be told, she does feel the guilt after the thrill.

Much to her joy, she found a shop where she can "lift" till she flips, and be helpful at the same time too. She'll never forget the day she saw this sign in front of the shop -

Although, occasionally, she has to argue with the staff of the shop what items fall under the category of "crap that they cannot sell".

.

52!

2009-08-31T11:38:00.000+08:00

A Whole New World

2009-08-29T12:18:00.000+08:00

"John, we're going on a camping trip this weekend."

"Why?"

"Because the weather is great, and summer's going to end soon ... Look away from the computer and look at me when I'm talking to you, John."

"Ok, ok ... So, where are we going again when?"

"A CAMPING TRIP! THIS WEEKEND! JOHN! - You spend way too much time in front of the computer, John. What with MSN, IRC, ICQ, IM, PM, MP3, MMORPG, WOW, that what-hoo, what-book, and what-twit, etc, etc. WAY too much time on the computer, John. You never leave the room. NEVER!"

"Alright, alright ... don't shout. We'll go fishing this weekend, Okay?"

"CAMPING!"

"Alright, alright ... I'll pack for the trip."

Thanks to the camping trip, John has found a whole new world in internet, or maybe, he has found internet in a whole new world.

.

Some Kind Of Logic (Part 2)

2009-08-27T23:18:00.003+08:00

The wise never marry. And when they marry they become otherwise.

~

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

~

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

~

Your future depends on your dreams - so go to sleep.

~

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.

~

Hard work never killed anybody - but why take the risk.

~

Work fascinates me - I can look at it for hours.

~

God made relatives; thank god we can choose our friends.

~

The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So ... why learn.

~

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station ... what more can I say.

.

Why Men Are Never Depressed

2009-08-23T21:28:00.002+08:00

Men Are Just Happier People--

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

Car mechanics tell you the truth..

The world is your urinal.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks and engines.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $9.50 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 24 relatives on 24th December in 24 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

.

You Would Have Thought ...

2009-08-21T11:48:00.000+08:00

Thomas was the master of the master car thieves. No car security system was unbreakable to him. The most sophisticated anti-hot-wired system, the out-of-this-world key locks, even the ultra secured systems that uses scanning of thumb print or the eye are but child plays to Thomas. The God of Car Thieves - that's how other players called him in the industry. And he earned this accolade by constantly keeping abreast with the advance of car security system. When he's not stealing cars, he's reading.

But as accomplished as Thomas was, his perfect record in this endeavours was broken the day he met this lock ...

If only someone had given the operation manual of this great invention of lock to Jack ...

.

Some Kind Of Logic (Part 1)

2009-08-19T20:48:00.004+08:00

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate. But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

~

I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

~

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

~

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

~

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

~

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

~

Money is not everything. There's Mastercard and Visa.

~

One should love animals. They are so tasty.

~

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

~

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

.

No Hands

2009-08-16T00:18:00.000+08:00

Jack was a kid who loved riding bicycle. I still remember the story of how he boasted his riding skill to his mother when he first got the hang of riding a bike.

"Mom, I can ride!" Jack shouted to his mother, who was busy doing work in the garden, when he finally managed to ride his bike. His mother replied encouragingly, "Good boy!"

Five minutes later, "Mom, look. I can ride with one hand!" Jack waved happily to his mother as he rode past her. "Careful, son," his mother waved back.

Another five minutes gone, "Mom, look! No hand!" Jack waved frantically to his mother with both his hands. Jack's mother was starting to worry as she looked at him riding down the street.

Ten minutes passed, Jack's mother saw no sign of Jack. She's frowning.

Finally, Jack appeared from the end of the street riding towards her. To his mother's relief, this time, he had both hands on the bike's handles.

As Jack's approached his mother, he put on a big smile and shouted, "Mom, see. No teeth!"

~

Fifteen years on, did Jack learn his lesson?

Maybe not ...

Last Stop

2009-08-13T11:18:00.002+08:00

The Station to Hell - after claiming 9 lives, there's really no other name for the station.

9 lives it had claimed. 9 bodies crushed. All suicidal.

When the first fatality happened, nobody thought of it as more than a freak accident - the victim "fell" onto the track and was crushed by an oncoming train. But after the fourth suicide, rumour started to circulate.

The station was built underground through a cemetery. A cemetery for those massacred during an ancient war. The construction was initiated without any ritual performed to appease the dead, despite warning from the old folks in town. The launching of the construction was postponed several times due to heavy rain that poured down non-stop for days. The folks said it's a sign. But the authority chose to ignore. So went the rumour.

After the fifth suicide, again the old folks of the town asked for a ritual to be performed. Again, it was brushed aside by the authority as nonsensical, choosing to believe there's a logical reason behind the spate of suicides. The death continued to rise.

Some said wailing of women and children could be heard when the train approached the station, others said it was the physical effect of a train going through a tunnel. Some said they could feel being wrapped by the dead during the nights; other said it's moisture. As nights approached, some claimed to have seen shadows floating around amid the dim and occasionally blinking lighting, of which some traced it to faulty wiring; others said it's caused by the negative vibes from the dead looking for company. Whatever the reason behind these happenings, the station was starting to be deserted.

After a crushed body was carried out from the station in a body bag for the ninth time, the news had captured the imagination of the nation. Everyone's talking about the mysteriously suicidal trend, and speculating the reason why so many chose to end their lives by jumping onto the track at ...

The Station To Hell

Let Down Of The Week

2009-08-12T12:18:00.002+08:00

Yes, this has got to be the let down of the week -

Michael Schumacher cancels comeback!

Formula 1 that had been exciting for a few weeks is now back to its somewhat lack lustre season.

Oh well ...

.

Can Touch This

2009-08-10T11:18:00.002+08:00

With the Community Shield out of the way, English Premier League will finally be off to another exciting season soon. The beautiful games will be back. The man of the men's games will be back. Yes, there's nothing more manly than football, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise ...

.

Tada!

2009-08-06T22:18:00.003+08:00

It's the dark times for mankind. Criminals and baddies rule the world. People everywhere lives in fear. With no superpower, police is just punching bags for these super-baddies. Where's all the superheroes who had once protected the earth gone? You ask.

Well ...

Batman and Wonder Woman finally tied the knot years ago. They now live happily in Batcave without a care for the world. With two adorable kids - with their super energy and ample spare times, it's a wonder they don't have more - they don't even read the news anymore. One kid's groomed to be a plastic surgeon - Wonder Woman likes to prepare in advance for old age; while the other a vet - hey, Batman do get sick once in a while.

Spiderman? The growth of human population over the last ten years was so fast skyscrappers built as closely together as possible is the only solution. Spiderman can no longer swing through New York without hitting the wall of a skyscrapper George-Of-The-Jungle style. He's so bruised, he retired.

Superman? He's now no more super than a nerdy reporter for a sport magazine - he's lost all his power. With the save-the-earth and going-green campaign, mankind has finally found the alternative for oil, coal and nuclear - and won't you believe it - something green. Yes, something green - Kryptonite! Kryptonite everywhere spells the end of Superman, he is grounded, he no longer has the chance to wear his underpant outside - and that's the biggest blow to him, though he would never admit it to anyone. And due to his lack of physical training (remember how he used to be beaten up by a few normal thugs when he lost his power?), he doesn't even get to be a cop.

And what about Bird Man? Yes, Bird Man. Never heard of him? Well that's exactly why he finds it no fun being a superhero. Doing all the hard work with no recognition - he's so fed up he pulled himself out of the industry.

However, the real bomb that forced all other superheroes into retirement is no more than the financial crisis that started way back in 2008. With no sponsorship to finance their super armours, super bikes, super planes, etc, there's really no way to continue their superhero careers.

So, they're all gone.

But ...

In this dark age of super villains' rule, there's a silver lining, a lone star in a dark night, a camel in the desert, a float in the ocean, a petrol station out of nowhere when you're out of gas - somebody has finally decided to step up and take over the job of protecting the people from injustice again. And that somebody is no other than -

If you LOLROTF looking at her, you'll be most vulnerable in front of her, like so many super villains has found out before. Her weapon being her super weight, obviously, is most deadly when the villains ROTF after LOL upon meeting her. Nothing is more deadly that having her on top of you. Millions of villains have died crushed under her. The world is safe again. People all over the world rejoices - thanks to this super lady ... nobody dare ask what the "F" stands for ...

.

Not Today

2009-08-04T23:18:00.002+08:00

Ed is the smartest canine in the police force - one sniff from him, no case would be unsolved, no criminal could remain elusive, and no loot would remain hidden. The dog with the best sniffing nose, that's Ed.

Over the years he has earned the highest accolade a canine could possibly earn in the police force. He is famous. So famous, the town has a public holiday in honour of him. Ed's Day, they call it.

Unfortunately, on one fateful day, when Ed was called to duty, he met his match. On that day, his perfect record was shattered. The case is still a case, and the fugitive is still a fugitive. That day, Ed was defeated - by an underpant.

.

One Step

Quid Pro Quo

I Hear You, Bro!

Gee, How Did You Know?

Like Father Like Son

Honesty Is the Best Policy

Mom Knows Best ... Always

Oh Dear ...

So?

The End of The World

He's My Brother

Green Green Grass of Fuel

Hey!

Feeling Hot?

Folding T-Shirt and Engineer

WHAT??

To The Rescue!

Oops!!

The Ultimate Telepathy

What's In A Name?

Liu Xiang In The Making

Jack

Destiny

YO!

Life Is MAD

Then What?

Try This

Be Honest

If I Die Young

Are You?

No Sense

Atomic Bomb!

Quid Pro Quo

It'll Be Okay

My Favourites - Tony's Pizza

Happy Chinese New Year!

Really

What A ...

OUCH!!!

House

You Think ...

Hi Ho, Hi Ho ...

What Do I Know?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,And never brought to mind?Should auld acquaintance be forgot,And auld lang syne!For auld lang syne, my dear,For auld lang syne.We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,For auld lang syne.

Everyone

Mirror

Big Trouble

You Know ...

????????

No Matter

You Would Know Why

Hair Artists

I Knew It!

Man!

What Can I Say

My Halloween

Good Session

Men

It's Not Just ...

Yoga, Anyone?

OY!!!

Channel 1

When Where What Who

Never!

Man's Best Friends

Ever Ready

Easy

How's Your Meal?

Another Tough One

Moral Lesson For Today

One And Only

Size Doesn't Matter

Be Quiet

What's In A Name?

Of Marriage And Some Wise Words?

Minus Minus Plus

The Odd One Out

For The Doubters

Happy

Say It Loud

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.